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Posts Tagged ‘Laura Haddock’

Michael Bay is a director obsessed with spectacle, critic Mark Kermode has described him as having pornographic sensibilities.  His films have a certain leering quality that is sure to appeal to fourteen year old boys.  As a filmmaker this could be forgiven if not for the fact that he appears to have forgotten how to tell a story.  The perfect case in point is his latest opus Transformers: The Last Knight. Transformers The Last Knight poster

The set-up: In Dark Ages England, Merlin (Stanley Tucci) has been keeping a crashed alien spaceship secret.  As King Arthur (Liam Garrigan) faces defeat from a hoard (I think they called them Saxons), Merlin begs the Alien for help.  He is given a staff and the aliens transform into a three headed dragon and fly to help.  1600 years later Quintessa who may or may not be the creator of the transformers plots to destroy earth to save Cybertron.

The film introduces three new main characters: Vivian Wembley (Laura Haddock), Izabella (Isabela Moner), Sir Edmund Burton (Anthony Hopkins) who are joined by Cade Yeager (Mark Wahlberg) from the previous movie.  So what do all these new characters do to save the world? Actually not a lot:

  • Cade Yeager: Uses a sword that appears from nowhere (if actually transforms from a MacGuffin) to save Optimus Prime from execution.
  • Vivian Wembley: Pulls the staff (another MacGuffin) out of the ground stopping whatever the fuck is going on.
  • Izabella: tells her transformer sidekick to go and blow up a gun.
  • Sir Edmund Burton: not much, he is basically Basil Exposition.Transformers The Last Knight

To make matters worse it is suggested that Quintessa can only make her dastardly plan work with the staff that only Vivian Wembley can find.  So what do our heroes do? They track the staff down from its secret hiding place and give it to the enemy to set up the obligatory big thing hovering over earth impending doom finale required for this type of movie.  Furthermore, Viviane Wembly’s presence is only required as she is the last living member of the “Witwiccan”, does this mean that Shia LaBeouf’s Sam Witwicky (seen in a photograph) is dead. Transformers The Last Knight

So in summation, the plot of the movie is: The big bad has a plan that can’t come to fruition without the help of the heroes finding a MacGuffin.  The heroes only know of the existence of the MacGuffin because the person who is supposed to keep it secret has told them about it.  Not only do they lead the enemy to the MacGuffin but they hand it over then go on a mission to get it back.  For a film that is about two and half hours long it appears they forgot to write a middle act, the film is equal parts set-up, exposition and conclusion.

Please Michael Bay, if you intend to make more movies go away and learn how to tell a story. 

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