Archive for January 15th, 2010

Inspired by Heather at Movie Mobsters, here are my worst movies of the year 2009. The list isn’t a definitive list of worst films of the year, just the worst ones I saw. I missed some of the supposed shockers such as heathers number one pick G-Force or the widely derided Bride Wars. Regular readers of my blog will already know what came top/bottom of my list as I posted a blog ranking all the 2009 movies I had seen a few weeks ago. Also see my top ten.

(TEN) Duplicity: The film makers set out to make a smart, witty, intelligent and intriguing movie. All the ingredients are there, director Tony Gilroy’s previous film Michael Clayton was very good. They got a dream cast reuniting Clive Owen and Julia Roberts from the brilliant Closer. Unfortunately they fail in nearly every way. The story is pretentious, contrived and tedious. Clive Owen and Julia Roberts have no spark or chemistry. The whole experience was made all the worse because it was a huge letdown, this wasn’t a film that had been panned by the critics that I thought I would take a look at anyway, it had reasonable reviews, that and the fact within the premise there is a decent film trying to get out.

(NINE) The Final Destination: Please let the title be prophetic, this really should be THE final, Final Destination movie. The concept is beyond tired, it has been beaten to within an inch of its life, then beaten a little bit more for good measure, it is as dead as the characters but not through some clever sequence of events, the franchise is killed by over exposure, we have just seen it all before. How many more ways can you find to kill people? And you thought I had forgotten the 3D, it’s a gimmick, I hate it and this film did nothing to change my mind about that.

(EIGHT) Halloween II: There really wasn’t any need for Rob Zombie to remake Halloween, it was a classic horror movie that didn’t need a remake. As it turned out it wasn’t that bad, a million miles short of John Carpenter’s original but okay in places. His sequel however was really tedious. To make matters worse he uses the most ridicules plot device to inset his wife Sheri Moon Zombie into the movie even though her character was killed in the first movie. The film is bloody and gory but completely devoid of tension rendering it completely un-scary.

(SEVEN) Fighting: Is simply just a poor film, nothing about it is really terrible or objectionable but there is also absolutely nothing good about it with the possible acceptance of a reasonable, low key performance from Terrence Howard. The main character is played by Channing Tatum whose dull expressionless acting is pretty dire, the way he mumbles through the film is really annoying, he probably thought he was acting like a young Brando or Stallone, he wasn’t! The performance was tedious, predictable and worse of all boring, like the film. They would have gotten away with it but even the action scenes where rubbish, for a film called Fighting, the fighting scenes were really poorly handled.

(SIX) Law Abiding Citizen: This film was really popular, most people I know who saw it enjoyed it, I hated it! A twist can make or break a film, by the time you get to the twist in this one it is so far beyond saving that the really poor twist is just the final nail in the coffin. The plot is contrived and full of holes and illogical actions by characters, there is a real lack of any morality or decency in the messages the film sends out and worst of all, it is dull and boring to watch.

(FIVE) Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen: I expected absolutely nothing from Transformers, I thought it would be utter rubbish, it was actually okay. So I went into the sequel Revenge of the Fallen with slightly higher expectations and boy was I disappointed. There was no really story. I honestly believe the film makers thought up the big set piece action scenes then said how can we link them together. They would have gotten away with it if not for two things. Firstly the action scenes where too big, too long and completely uninvolving for the audience. Secondly they forgot the part about linking the elements of the story together destroying any chance of a cohesive narrative. Then we have the length of the film, it was actually two and a half hours long, this is far too long for a film of its type. Had someone told me after the movie that it was three and a half hours I wouldn’t have argued, it was so tedious it felt that long.

(FOUR) The Uninvited: The characters in the movie particularly the father are really poorly developed. The story telling is really lazy by keeping certain characters apart to help the plot twists to work. The biggest problem is just a huge sense of disappointment; the film is a remake of the Korean film A Tale of Two Sisters (2003) that is superior in every way making me think why did they bother?

(THREE) Knowing: Put simply the film is just plain annoying. Not poorly made or acted but just annoying. Not only does it offer nothing particularly new to the genre but it has an illogical plot that is full of holes. The cast and crew could have made a decent film if not for the horrendous script. This is all the more disappointing if you consider the director, Alex Proyas has made some good films in the past. He is responsible for the excellent The Crow, the intriguing Dark City and the solid and entertaining (but not brilliant) I, Robot.

(TWO) Blood: The Last Vampire: Based: on a 2000 Japanese animation of the same name that is actually quite good. The main problem with the movie is the main character Saya, she appears virtually impossible to hurt in any way she also cuts through her foe (literally) with too much ease without ever appearing to be in danger. This prevents the viewer from connecting with the character. The CGI is poor at best, not a big problem other than the fact it is over used. There is also a real lack of a decent villain. All these problems are minor in comparison to the biggest problem of the film the acting is really, really poor. Gianna Jun is okay as Saya, Allison Miller is annoying and clearly too old for the character she plays, English TV stalwarts Larry Lamb and Colin Salmon are really hammy as is Liam Cunningham.

(ONE) The Spirit: By far the worst movie I saw in 2009.  With Frank miller attached as director and a the same use of green screen the film should have been a stopgap before the much delayed Sin City 2 comes out. Unfortunately the film is just dreadful in every way. The story is ridicules the acting is terrible and the visual style does not work the way it did in Sin City. Not even the excessive and exceptional use of eye candy (Scarlet Johansson, Eva Mendes, Jaime King and Paz Vega) can save this film.

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